The Do's and Don'ts of Testifying in a Family Case

While the "Law and Order" or Denny Krane cross-examination is the stuff television audiences crave, judges do not revel in drama. As the one in the hot seat, certain courtroom decorum is appropriate and can make or break your case. The following is a list of what you should do when you find yourself in the middle of a family case, either as a party or simply a witness (not an expert witness):

1. Tell the truth. You are under oath and there is threat of perjury should you "bend" the truth. Hopefully the truth shall set you free. The converse is true. Don't box yourself in by lies.

2. If you don't know the answer to the question, don't commit. It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I don't know. This applies to dates, number of occurrences and names. This is not a memory contest.

3. Look at your lawyer during the questions. Keep good eye contact to gauge whether you are saying too much or not enough.

4. LISTEN. Please only answer the question asked. If you go off on a narrative about what you were wearing when your husband was threatening you, or how your neighbor always told your boyfriend was a scoundrel, that will not help the fact finder. In fact, it might irritate the judge that you are being nonresponsive. LISTEN.

5. Wear clothes that you would wear to church. If you don't go to church, pretend that you are a librarian at a conservative college. Cover up the essentials and look formal enough to show respect for yourself and the Court.

6. During your testimony, if the lawyers object, stop talking. Wait for the judge to make a ruling. If you are uncertain whether you can answer or not, ask the judge simply,"may I answer?"

7. Don't audibly sigh, chew bubble gum, laugh or talk out of turn. Comments under your breath or eye rolling is not appropriate for the Court room.

8. Do understand that this is an emotional time and that lawyers know that it is difficult to be on the stand. If you need breaks, tell your lawyer before hand a signal to show that you are tired or need to use the restroom. Your comfort is key. Make sure you eat a good meal prior to testifying, bring a bottle of water or a snack.

9. Remember that ridiculous or badgering questions are for the lawyer to object to- not the witness.

10. Keep your emotions appropriate. It is acceptable to cry, but yelling at the opposing counsel, being snarky with the judge, or acting irrationally, will not lead to a successful result in Court.

Things to Do Before you File a Family Case

1. Take down any offensive information from social networking sites. MySpace, Facebook and personal blogs are your public face. Your status of "married/single" or "looking for love" could be the lynchpin in a divorce action with allegations of infidelity. Likewise, mention of drug/alcohol use, photos of you partying, and inappropriate content may be judicial admissions against you in a custody case.

2. Do not threaten the oppposing party, harass them with texts or phonecalls or tell them that you are about to file suit. Text messages, e-mails and phone records are discoverable material in a case, so be careful what you say. There could be a permanent reminder out there.

3. Read the standing orders of your court's juridiction, which are usually available through the district clerk of the Court. For example, Dallas, Collin, Rockwall and Denton all have orders that you must obey that include not transferring money from joint accounts, prohibit making purchases that are not for reasoanble living expenses, hiding the children or threatening the other party.

4. Don't coach your children about what to say or involve them in litigation. Children should be children and don't need to be hauled into Court and the dysfunction that comes with litigation.

5. If CPS has contacted you, cooperate with the safety plan. However, consult an attorney prior to agreeing to the terms.

6. If you use/abuse drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs, remember that drug tests can go back as far as 3 months for certain drugs. Stop using if you are still doing so.

7. Change all your passwords to e-mail or personal accounts. However, in a divorce, you cannot change passwords to joint accounts.

8. Form a safety plan if you are in threat of domestic violence. Pack a bag, call a friend and know a safe place where you (and your children if you have them) can go until things settle down.

9. Do not obtain illegal evidence. Don't go on your spouse/partner/girlfriend's computer and download information. If evidence is obtained illegally, then you can be liable up to $10,000 per violation under the Civil Practice and Remedies Code.

10. Understand that this is a life change. It won't be easy. However, it is a necessary step. Seek a licensed therapist or counselor to help you transition through this major life event.

New resource: Timeline for Procedures in Family Law

I just posted a new resource, "Timeline for Procedures in Family Law," under the "What to Expect (and what not to) in Family Law" section of my Web site.

You can read the article here:
http://www.nataliegregg.com/timeline-for-procedures-in-family-law/index.html

Reprinting and distribution of these resources is allowed with proper accreditation to author, so please feel free to send this to others.

Family Law Myth #1: "Full Custody"

Here is the final one of the "Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law." The entire list is available here:
http://www.nataliegregg.com/top-ten-myths-in-family-law/

Myth #1:
I want “full custody” of the children.

In Texas, the magic legal words are “conservatorship” and “access.” Conservatorship is the bundle of rights and duties that accompany being a parent; for example, the right to make educational decisions or the duty to pay child support. In the world of family law, access refers to a period of time when the non-custodian parent has exclusive visitation time with the child(ren) separate from the other parent.

When my clients ask for “full custody,” that is code for conservatorship. If you want to have the kids the majority of the time AND make the most important life decisions for them, you want to be primary managing conservator. There is no legal definition for “full custody.”

To read about the other commonly held myths related to family law, click here.

Family Law Myth #2: "I bought it in 'my name' so it’s mine."

Here is another one of the "Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law." The entire list is available here:
http://www.nataliegregg.com/top-ten-myths-in-family-law/

Myth #2:
I bought it in “my name” so it’s mine.

Simply purchasing a car, house, boat or other real property under your name does not mean that you have 100% ownership.

Names are important in matters of financing a home or a vehicle, as they are usually the source of credit for such purchases. However, just because the property title reads: “Jane Smith,” it does not necessarily mean that Jane Smith owns it outright. If Jane was married to Joe when she purchased the item, Joe is potentially entitled to 50% of the ownership of that item. So don’t assume that names = ownership.

To read about the other commonly held myths related to family law, click here.

Family Law Myth #3: Delinquent Child Support is Cause for Loss of Access

Here is another one of the "Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law." The entire list is available here:
http://www.nataliegregg.com/top-ten-myths-in-family-law/

Myth #3
Because he’s not paying child support, I don’t have to let him see the kids.

Life is not fair. In a “fair” world, when Daddy is not paying child support, he should not get to see the children that he is not supporting. However, we do not live in a vigilante justice world. Only the judge gets to decide what ultimately should happen at visits.

Two wrongs do not a right make: you cannot disregard the Court’s orders for visitation simply because the child support account is two months or even two years delinquent. It does not make sense why a parent who says that they love and care for their children would not want to provide resources for the children, but you must follow the law and provide access even when the other parent is delinquent in child support payments.

To read about the other commonly held myths related to family law, click here.

Family Law Myth #4: Comparing Divorces

Here is another one of the "Top Ten Common Myths in Family Law." The entire list is available here:
http://www.nataliegregg.com/top-ten-myths-in-family-law/

Myth #4:
My friend got (fill in the blank)__________ in her divorce, so I want that too.

Every case is unique, with many facets and variations from the other so that you cannot compare apples and oranges. Results are different based on the judges, the parties, the experts, the children, the money (or lack thereof) and the attorneys. Just because your friend got spousal maintenance and had a factually similar situation does not necessarily mean that you will also be awarded spousal maintenance.

Even if you have the same attorney, you need to understand that theories of recovery and positive/negative facts about the parties play equal roles as legal advocacy in the Courtroom. Given the same factors but two different cases, a result may differ based on even the slightest change. Just be open. Don’t pre-judge and be realistic about your results.

To read about the other commonly held myths related to family law, click here.