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Andy Beal's Divorce- Forget the Pre-Nup?

In a city where marrying for money is a skill rather than a downfall, the Beal divorce untangles.

Scene: Dallas courts. (Shhhh. The court record is sealed- the good ones always are).

Players: Andy Beal, age 58 (richest man in Dallas of Beal Bank Plano-based and Las Vegas-based) and his attorney Rod Phelan vs. Simona Beal, age 34, and her attorney Larry Friedman.

Time: Now.

Money at stake: BILLIONS. (Tiger Woods only paid $100 million and was dirty, dirty; Mr. Beal on the other-hand has allegedly no indiscretions)

Children: 4

Years of Marriage: 14

Check List:

• Pre-Nup... YES
• Post-Nup... YES

Question: In a fourteen-year marriage, with a premarital agreement and postmarital agreement, what is there left to litigate?

Answer: Wife wants $5 billion dollars with exemplary damages, making allegations of a "sexual nature" and additionally saying that Beal's company agent raided her home and stole information related to this litigation. Husband is firm that he did not have relations outside of the marriage.

Moral of the Story: You can't be too careful. Even when you plan ahead, you may land yourself in court. Even a man who competed with NASA and played excellent high-stakes professional poker, still played a wild-card with this woman. Marrying beauty and youth has its detractions.

Top Ten Things to Tell your Lawyer in the First Consultation

Before you walk into the match, and step into the boxing ring, please consider telling your family lawyer the whole truth. Not telling your lawyer the whole truth in the first interview can be like sending your lawyer into the ring without her gloves on. So, consider answering the following ten questions before the interview. Share these with your lawyer so that you can get a fair "fight." Even if your lawyer forgets to ask some of these questions, offer your list of answers to the following:

1. What is the worst thing that somebody would say about you, even if it weren't true?
2. Do you have any friends in common with the other party? Would they testify against you?
3. Do you have a criminal record?
4. Have you ever been treated for mental illness, addiction or placed in a treatment center for mental health issues?
5. Have you ever had another lawyer for this case? If so, why are you sitting in this office?
6. Do you have a CPS history?
7. Do you have any other children that either a) don't live with you and/or b) you are not financially supporting?
8. Have you ever been involved in other litigation? What was the result?
9. Are you telling the truth?
10. Have you forgotten to tell me anything that would be integral in representing you or understanding who you are?

You can love your kids or hate your spouse- but you can't do both

Headlines this week: "Woman arrested for parental alienation in New York." Mom, who had primary custody of her two daughters, was accused of programing her children to hate their father. Mom made the father come to her driveway for Hanukkah celebrations in the middle of winter outside; she uttered the words, "I wish you got cancer," in the presence of her darling children; and, she trashed gifts from dad and his relatives. These actions were not only condemned by the court, but a Long Island, New York judge sentenced a woman to six weekends in jail for repeatedly undermining her ex-husband’s relationship with their two daughters. Apparently, even celebrities are afflicted with this problem. Dennis Hopper's (of the film Easy Rider) daughter was forbidden to attend her own father's funeral because Mr. Hopper insisted that his ex-wife be banned from the ceremony and his daughter lived with mom.

Parental alienation has been called "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Warshak of UT Southwestern Medical Center. See www.warshak.com/. Dr. Gardner has defined Parental Alienation Syndrome ("PAS") as: "a childhood disorder that arises almost exclusively in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the target parent. When true parental abuse and/or neglect is present, the child’s animosity may be justified and so the parental alienation syndrome explanation for the child’s hostility is not applicable." See, The Parental Alienation Syndrome (Second Edition), by Dr. Richard A. Gardner, 1998. (The only reported Texas case in which Dr.Gardner’s opinions are sited is Ochs vs. Martinez, 789 S.W. 2d 949, San Antonio, May 16,1990. In the Ochs v. Martinez case the San Antonio Court of Appeals struggled with whether a psychologist could express an opinion regarding an alleged victim of child abuse veracity or truthfulness.)

So...moral of the story: You can love your kids or hate your spouse, but you can't do both. In fact if you do hate your spouse enough to negatively impact your children, you may find yourself spending weekend behind bars.

New Year's Resolutions

In 2010, I resolve to be..thinner, healthier, more budget conscious?

Instead, what about to be a better co-parent?

Challenge yourself in 2010 to work with your ex to support your children financially, emotionally, spiritually and to respect the other parent's value system while maintaining your own set of rules and expectations.

You know when your mother always said, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" Well the same is true with co-parenting.

Through gritted teeth and sighs, simply refrain from saying the nasty (but sometimes true) things that you would like to share with your children. This will preserve your children's childhood and let them love without your judgment.

As a wise associate judge in Dallas County once said, "you can love your children and hate your spouse, but you can't do both."

I know. Much easier said than done.

The Do's and Don'ts of Testifying in a Family Case

While the "Law and Order" or Denny Krane cross-examination is the stuff television audiences crave, judges do not revel in drama. As the one in the hot seat, certain courtroom decorum is appropriate and can make or break your case. The following is a list of what you should do when you find yourself in the middle of a family case, either as a party or simply a witness (not an expert witness):

1. Tell the truth. You are under oath and there is threat of perjury should you "bend" the truth. Hopefully the truth shall set you free. The converse is true. Don't box yourself in by lies.

2. If you don't know the answer to the question, don't commit. It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I don't know. This applies to dates, number of occurrences and names. This is not a memory contest.

3. Look at your lawyer during the questions. Keep good eye contact to gauge whether you are saying too much or not enough.

4. LISTEN. Please only answer the question asked. If you go off on a narrative about what you were wearing when your husband was threatening you, or how your neighbor always told your boyfriend was a scoundrel, that will not help the fact finder. In fact, it might irritate the judge that you are being nonresponsive. LISTEN.

5. Wear clothes that you would wear to church. If you don't go to church, pretend that you are a librarian at a conservative college. Cover up the essentials and look formal enough to show respect for yourself and the Court.

6. During your testimony, if the lawyers object, stop talking. Wait for the judge to make a ruling. If you are uncertain whether you can answer or not, ask the judge simply,"may I answer?"

7. Don't audibly sigh, chew bubble gum, laugh or talk out of turn. Comments under your breath or eye rolling is not appropriate for the Court room.

8. Do understand that this is an emotional time and that lawyers know that it is difficult to be on the stand. If you need breaks, tell your lawyer before hand a signal to show that you are tired or need to use the restroom. Your comfort is key. Make sure you eat a good meal prior to testifying, bring a bottle of water or a snack.

9. Remember that ridiculous or badgering questions are for the lawyer to object to- not the witness.

10. Keep your emotions appropriate. It is acceptable to cry, but yelling at the opposing counsel, being snarky with the judge, or acting irrationally, will not lead to a successful result in Court.

Things to Do Before you File a Family Case

1. Take down any offensive information from social networking sites. MySpace, Facebook and personal blogs are your public face. Your status of "married/single" or "looking for love" could be the lynchpin in a divorce action with allegations of infidelity. Likewise, mention of drug/alcohol use, photos of you partying, and inappropriate content may be judicial admissions against you in a custody case.

2. Do not threaten the oppposing party, harass them with texts or phonecalls or tell them that you are about to file suit. Text messages, e-mails and phone records are discoverable material in a case, so be careful what you say. There could be a permanent reminder out there.

3. Read the standing orders of your court's juridiction, which are usually available through the district clerk of the Court. For example, Dallas, Collin, Rockwall and Denton all have orders that you must obey that include not transferring money from joint accounts, prohibit making purchases that are not for reasoanble living expenses, hiding the children or threatening the other party.

4. Don't coach your children about what to say or involve them in litigation. Children should be children and don't need to be hauled into Court and the dysfunction that comes with litigation.

5. If CPS has contacted you, cooperate with the safety plan. However, consult an attorney prior to agreeing to the terms.

6. If you use/abuse drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs, remember that drug tests can go back as far as 3 months for certain drugs. Stop using if you are still doing so.

7. Change all your passwords to e-mail or personal accounts. However, in a divorce, you cannot change passwords to joint accounts.

8. Form a safety plan if you are in threat of domestic violence. Pack a bag, call a friend and know a safe place where you (and your children if you have them) can go until things settle down.

9. Do not obtain illegal evidence. Don't go on your spouse/partner/girlfriend's computer and download information. If evidence is obtained illegally, then you can be liable up to $10,000 per violation under the Civil Practice and Remedies Code.

10. Understand that this is a life change. It won't be easy. However, it is a necessary step. Seek a licensed therapist or counselor to help you transition through this major life event.